Free Write.. don’t worry about me

You have to move beyond this present place of heaviness.

You feel stuck.

Depression. Pain. 

It’s not that one chooses to be here.. it’s a feeling that’s hard to shake. 

Have you ever felt a dream merging into reality die?

Then have you had someone close literally die? 

Double whammy. 

It hurts in a way that makes your insides churn.

There’s no give.

It makes your tears feel as if they are betraying you by displaying the anguish you feel inside.

There’s no cure that you’ve found that fixes it immediately, unless it’s a destructive, selfish or immature behavior.

The pain has to be experienced. 

You push and you try to focus on a million other things. 

This only works for a few minutes… and then back to the thinking and pain. 

Where’s the off button? 

How much pain can one endure?

Why endure so much pain when you definitely aren’t planting those seeds to reap such a painful harvest? 

Stuck. Twisted. Torn.

All cried out.. no wait, there’s more tears. 

Even sleep provides no rest because it is nonexistent. 

Where’s the relief? 

You pray and pray and pray and pray and pray. 

And there’s silence and no comfort to the pain. 

There’s no way to fix what’s broken. 

There’s no control of where the journey can lead that yields joy. 

It hurts. It sucks. It’s not fair. 

So many more things you can think of but the pain will still be present at the end.