This may seem like a rambling post but I’m going to write it and publish it as soon as I’m done… no matter the errors.
So… as you may be able to tell with my writings that I am very open hearted and love deeply. Between my head and my heart, the journey is truly a beautiful, yet often frustrating, day to day intentional plan and action of keeping the balance as much as prayerfully possible. Well, there’s been a love that I’ve felt strongly for someone for almost five years now. Of course, he knows. Come on. I believe in sharing exactly how I feel and keeping it authentic. However, his past keeps him from stepping into his own feelings for me and in some ways, I think his actions and fear sabotage it and have bled into being selfish, secretive, and mean more than loving, supportive, and communicative without excuses as he used to be and show me. And through the ups and downs, I’ve been present as much as possible, until I had to step back to make sure I am back whole. It’s been difficult, truly hard. But, I’ve made the decision to just close that area of my heart for him because it will only lead to more pain if he isn’t ready and willing and it feels like more digressing than progressing. And I am not trying to convince him when he knows my value and loyalty. I will always say a prayer for him though. Always! It’s my daily routine.
I expressed all that to say that I haven’t felt so loving lately even though I see this world as founded on love, even when it’s operating in the opposite. But today, I allowed my heart to smile and give thanks for strength, courage, prayer, God, and awareness. And let me tell you what set it in motion, one of my favorite songs, Say A Little Prayer. Yep, the Aretha Franklin classic. There is just something about that song that makes me smile and think of love, which triggered thoughts of him. The joy in it though is that I didn’t feel like my insides were ripping apart as I allowed those memories to roam and I snapped to the tune. Now, that’s progress. To flow through the love even when it’s not as you desired it to be and feel a bit disappointed, and to say a prayer and smile and move forward in peace. I had to salute myself on that one.
Not only this but it played during tonight’s episode of This Is Us. One of the signature things I love about this show is the relationship that Beth and Randle possess. It’s filled with humor, loyalty, love, support, vulnerability, confidence, teamwork, authenticity, and so much more that I can’t help but to admire and smile about. This is how I wanted a partner relationship for myself to look like, a team. A team that works through the ups and downs with hope and empowers each other when you are feeling less than your best or didn’t make the best decision. A team that reminds each other through speech and action just how much they appreciate and love one another on a daily basis. A team that is raising a family together without excuses and with a solid foundation of love and never being alone along this life journey. A team that has eyes of desire for one another and not every other male and female that crosses their paths. A team that doesn’t take for granted nor jeopardize what they have created and committed to together. It truly is beautiful. And if one day I am blessed with this type love/team, I hope for it to reflect these qualities that keep you wanting to breathe to experience each moment together… craving more and more.
I Say A Little Prayer for you shows the love in the daily routine. It shows the significance of presence and preparation. I really do say a prayer for him and others as I go through my day. It really is refreshing. And when I hear this song, it’s a reminder of that love, that prayer, and well wishes. It makes my heart smile. I’m grateful for this unexpected boost today. When love is truly captured, it can make the toughest day one that can still be managed with the best parts of you.
I say a little prayer for you…