I’m alive and I’m thankful.
So much swirls in my mind and my heart consistently. Sometimes I think it’s overloaded with prayer and love. The goal is to lessen it in the love area very, very soon.
Let me be clear, it’s not the notion of wanting to be loved. It’s the swirling of I Am Love and it’s restorative. Then that transforms into being thankful for the people I love and the one that I would like to deepen the love with. It’s that “one” that’s keeps me stuck to the spiderweb of… “Should I be patient and continue to grow with him?” “Is he truly healing or just wanting to be single?” “If we both have had these feelings for years, what’s the problem?”
These thoughts are zero fun, zero!! I’d rather walk in the confidence that we both know the goal we work on, while not continuing to add more goals and new goals in front of the obvious with the banner of “I’m not ready” or “I’m healing.”
This always, always brings me to writing and prayer. Prayer first unless I combine the two and write the prayer out. Prayer is my stability. Prayer is my conversation and relationship. Prayers are what start, merge within, and end my day. It comes easy to me as breathing does. It allows me to feel heard and obtain focus. And honestly, sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever see or receive an answer that is crystal clear and direct without confusion or another web of questions.
It’s not overthinking. It’s more centered in the fact that I don’t want to waste time in any areas of my life that render me wasting it or unproductive. I don’t want to invest in pain nor the things that keep balance at a distance. I know I won’t be privy to all the answers but I want to make great use of the time that God has blessed me with on this earth. My intentions aren’t ill. My heart isn’t vengeful, instead very humble. I believe in truth, loyalty, and commitment. There’s not much that I think will defeat me because the battle isn’t truly mine. However, I will fight in the ways that are more positive and lead to better. I’m always seeking growth and loving places in my life.
So, how about sending some prayers up as well for clarity, for the answer, for peace in my decisions that I’m about to make, and for comfort in it all? Thank you in advance.