Sunken Place

I know things have been hard in his life lately and he’s making the best of the day to day. But, I haven’t heard from him since Wednesday night and we have never missed a day of communication. My thoughts… keep pushing towards the worse but I’m praying for the best. Yesterday, I kept feeling like I was battling joy and gloom, as if I was to be expectant of something. To ease my mind, I had a beer. Yes, I pray and maneuver in ways that don’t set me up for long term negatives but the beer was a nice change, as well as the scenery change. It relaxes me, yet i still feel unease within. I feel like I’m in a helpless sunken place. I’ve grasped on to love and had the most amazing weekend with him, only now to feel like… am I overreacting? Am I overthinking? Was it an illusion? Is he okay? Right now, all I can do is pray and try to keep myself distracted by pouring positive messages in and working on the tasks I need to complete. But, my heart hurts. And this post will probably be the closest I come to sharing this with anyone because I don’t want the probing from others. I don’t want to field the questions. I don’t want to fight back the tears. I don’t want to allow anyone in to what I’m currently feeling and am concerned about. They already have enough ammo on who I am or am not. Why add to that? I’m good. But, I pray that today sheds light on something other than the unknown. ๐Ÿ˜”

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