What lesson am I continuously learning… oh, and there is one (many if I’m honest).
The most consistent one is that I occupy this body. It doesn’t matter how much support, how much alone time, how much advice, or anything… In the end, I occupy this body and that comes with accountability.
It’s not always easy, but I’m accountable to myself for what I choose to allow to affect it. Yes, I understand there are things that may occur that are far beyond my control. For instance, I can’t control being lied to. I can’t control how others interpret who I am. I can’t control so many things, and sometimes that doesn’t feel so good, especially when positive seeds are being consistently planted.
However, I can choose how I respond to the different scenarios and situations. It is in my control to not seek retaliation when I’m wronged. It is in my control to change jobs if the present isn’t meeting the needs in life at the time. It is in my control to speak prayers, write gratitudes, and motivate others.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not all sunshine. There are some heavy times in which I feel like I’m failing because things haven’t produced as planned. I remind myself that it is in my control as well to feel down at times and know that it’s okay. My goal is never to stay there.
My goal is continue to push forward. When I need to cry, I cry and it’s okay. When I want to laugh for no reason but to feel the joy, my head goes back and the laughter commences. It’s all okay. When I need to write… well, you’re reading this, right. When I need to stand in the shower and just pour my heart out to God, or have some of the most creatives thoughts, I do. And when I want to truly let go and love, I… well, that’s still a work in progress. I’m stepping into the current love with faith and mindfulness that my past is not my present. Everyone doesn’t mean to birth illusions, bleeding hearts, and scars that are bad outside as they are inside. I am grateful for the progress and the blessings that have come forth and I give thanks in advance for many more.
There’s so much more journey ahead, if I’m blessed to continue to breathe. I look forward to it, and I continue to seek the light within it all. May these prayers, intentions, emotions, and energy rise.