Battles of the Heart and Mind

Needing a quick moment to express and vent…

I Battle with…

People. People that want my time but don’t truly value or appreciate the time. People. People that don’t understand the value of what a second, a minute, a memory, or a moment holds.

None of us can get time back, so I’m very particular about how I invest mine. Whether it’s a movie, a walk, a hug, or a talk, it’s purposeful and precious to me.

My frustration arises when others don’t bring the same value to time. My time becomes an option of mediocre, disappointments dressed in growth and care.

Time travels well with actions. Actions over time display what’s really within, what’s really important, and what’s really not important.

My battle… stems from knowing the only person I can control is myself. My value and love for others is who I am. I try not to allow the previous disappointments to keep me bound, while strategically moving wiser in the future. You know, a little defense with this delicate and strong spirit.

I’m just tired of wanting someone to value and express, without it only being short term or primarily me doing the honoring. Where are the ones who make it a lifestyle? A lifestyle of caring. A lifestyle of sharing. A lifestyle of committing to do the work. A lifestyle of sacrificing, compromising, and communicating with plan and resolution.

It’s not too much to expect. If I can do it, others are capable too. The key comes to the willingness and value and how it’s shown. I’ve detached from so many good friends that just won’t give more to nurturing their interactions, well the ones that require respect, vulnerability, clarity, and positive intentions and expectations.

Daily, I pray for those anchors to be removed from my life. I pray that I see the lesson. I’m not a overly sensitive and emotional person. I’m just drained and tired of encountering less, especially when I didn’t seek it out first.

These years have involved major healing, forgiving, praying, and growth. I’m grateful for each day, each breath, and the opportunities I have to pour into others and vice versa. I’m grateful for the ones that truly possess the understanding, compassion, and ambition… the ones that get it. I’m grateful for the disciplined, trustworthy, truthful and loyal. I’m praying that my burnout is relieved. I’m praying that peace replaces the frustration. I’m praying for a heart that still continues to pump and beat with an overflow that’s greater than myself. I’m praying for the eyes to see, ears to hear, spirit to discern, continued humility in this life, and to keep smiling and being a light to others.

All right, that’s all for my vent.

Things are improving as I type this 😊✊🏾

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