Writing to… write.
You know, healing comes with its ups and downs. One moment you’re doing great. Everything is calm and cool. You’ve accepted what’s causing your pain and you’re shifting toward a brighter day.
And then… WHAM! The smallest prick of a thought enters your heart and seriously rips.. I mean shreds your insides. And there is no relief or resetting it back to “I’m doing good.”
Ups and downs. Ups and downs. It makes you fight for what broke you. It makes you reach for your perceived rose only to be punctured again and again.. until you stop reaching. You stop reaching because you don’t have any other fingers to give to be wounded. You stop reaching because the Rose seems to be doing just fine without you. You stop reaching for the Rose’s attention and you let go.
Your heart opens up and the clouds become a storm that only you are feeling at that moment. And no matter how much there is too be grateful for, the rain that’s beating is still hard to see through.
So, you resign to being drenched. You resign to even seeking sunshine. You just let it be and keep yourself a float while the storm passes. Some storms last longer than others. But it doesn’t take away from the sting and ice of the rain that’s peeling away your insides.
The ups and down. I’m sitting here drenched in the rain even though I’ve been walking upward and seeking better days filled with Sunshine.