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Heart’s Fog 


Love’s sweet elixir

Warm and life giving until the platter turns cold 

Prickling thorns of trying to figure out why two hearts dance different styles to the same song 

Burnout quickly turns into a stone wall from reaching, tasting, and distance again 

Gas of perfection for creativity to express the release of a bruised soul 

Opened eyes start to reveal that you’re dancing alone

Reclaiming the drum only able to be played alone

You regroup and start to rewrite your life’s song 

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing to Write

Shifts from being filled to empty…

empty

 

Shifts from being filled to being empty again…

It’s amazing how quickly love can fill you with hope and optimism.

It’s refreshing how a hug, touch, and caress from your heart’s desire can soothe all wounds.

And, then it can all change drastically if the focus isn’t on the goal and scars are allowed to take center stage.

Confusion, frustration, and stages of grief follow.

We put forth so much effort into trying to make the best out of circumstances and treat others right.

But, when you have a moment that doesn’t define you, even as hurt fueled the motives, when do you get to rest and heal from the pain?

When are you able to put it behind you?

It requires prayer, faith, and forgiveness.  In prayer, I laid myself bare from allowing my anger to dictate my unfavorable responses based on what another did or did not do.

I’m accountable for not achieving perfection and allowing emotions to lead over logic.

I also am forgiven of any past actions and choices, and I walk with increased knowledge for application for the present and future.

It seems this is a constant cycle in all that we do, from career to love, and so much more.

It still doesn’t take the pain away from when you aren’t allowed by others to move forward from that in trust, love, understanding, willingness, support, and etc., especially when you apply that to others positively.

It’s a reminder of knowing that you are doing your best and you only owe it to yourself to know that you have changed, whether it’s validated by others or not.

Truly, I am drained at being the hopeful one with understanding that things happen and things will need to be worked through, especially when dealing with others.   But, I don’t give up.  It’s life.

If you are reading this, know that your past does not define who you are, if the change within you is authentic.

You can not convince people of what they don’t want to see within you, nor what they want to work toward with you without sacrifice and investment.

Keep being a light, and striving for the best.

Keep loving and applying understanding to others, as well as yourself.

And, if you are truly a great person with a beautiful heart trying your best and sharing that light with others, applaud yourself for that. Salute yourself.

It’s not always easy and at times you will feel like you didn’t bring your best self forward.

Reboot and Start again. Clear your mind. Forgive yourself. And keep progressing in love.

Most importantly, make sure to refill your own cup.  You can’t be anything if you don’t have a full cup.  Self-Love and care first.

It’s going to get better.  It already is.

Posted in poems, Uncategorized, Writing to Write

Will Time… Be In… Our Favor…

Pocket Watch in Sand

These months have been a frustration.

Many prayers haven risen seeking a better sensation.

Reaching out seeking a white dove.

An agonal pulsing heart needing some love.

Clouds of misunderstanding are floating by.

Feeling like the sweet things in life decided to pass on by.

Wondering when things turned this bleak.

It’s his Divine encounter that I seek.

My tears have been a companion in bed.

Unable to get thoughts on how to resolve this out of my head.

There’s no one to express it to.

Writing is what I turn to.

These keys tap the stories of experiences out.

My internal meter is nearing drought.

Yearning for a miracle or a breakthrough.

Why does it seem like the rewards’ goal is to evade you?

My soul won’t allow me to give up.

But, sick of feeling alone with no one to help me up.

Yes, I’m strong and know this is temporary.

Gosh, it would be good to have a healing fairy.

Some things are so clear but yet so far.

It’s like I’m trying to build a rocket out of toothpicks to the nearest star.

Burnt out on grudges and anger and not moving forward together.

Ready to walk this path alone through the remaining weather.

At times I wish things didn’t remind me of you.

Just wanting to turn off the heart and mind and deprogram from you.

It’s not because I don’t have any love to give.

It’s because I know I have one life to live.

You see, the struggle isn’t that hard for me.

It’s the continuous pain that is starting to blind me.

Love should not create this situation.

Maybe, I just need a vacation.

If only you  knew how tired I am of thinking of this,

You know what.. let me make this wish.

I wish for love to replace the pain.

I wish for the memories of why we love each other would surface again.

I wish the slate was clean from all the bad decisions.

I wish time was invested and intention with accurate precision.

I wish that the fear would leave your mind and heart.

I wish you had a reset button so we could have a restart.

I wish that the time needed to heal wasn’t so dreadfully slow.

I wish the uncertainty was replaced by a heart and mind that truly knows.

I wish that I didn’t have to write this right here.

I wish you were saying I love you dear.

But let me stop wishing because we both know the plan.

We both have to reach out and walk hand in hand.

We have to stop letting selfishness lead.

There is no room for three or four, truly no need.

I write this because I know this is true.

You truly underestimate the love you have as a blessing in front of you.

This is my last plea.

Surrender to him and embrace the gem he’s granted thee.

The time is nearing I can feel it in my soul.

At the end, maybe it’ll be my own hand I hold.

But, I know my silence will be all that remains.

If things continue to stay the same.

No effort, no change, and placing the blame.

Won’t affect progress, things just won’t change.

But, while I’m on this bended knee.

I say a prayer for you and for me.

Believing the best but yet you still feed Self

My desire is almost dry and soon there will be nothing left.

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Feeling down while going up 

Writing to… write. 

You know, healing comes with its ups and downs. One moment you’re doing great. Everything is calm and cool. You’ve accepted what’s causing your pain and you’re shifting toward a brighter day. 
And then… WHAM! The smallest prick of a thought enters your heart and seriously rips.. I mean shreds your insides. And there is no relief or resetting it back to “I’m doing good.” 
Ups and downs. Ups and downs. It makes you fight for what broke you. It makes you reach for your perceived rose only to be punctured again and again.. until you stop reaching. You stop reaching because you don’t have any other fingers to give to be wounded. You stop reaching because the Rose seems to be doing just fine without you. You stop reaching for the Rose’s attention and you let go. 
Your heart opens up and the clouds become a storm that only you are feeling at that moment. And no matter how much there is too be grateful for, the rain that’s beating is still hard to see through. 
So, you resign to being drenched. You resign to even seeking sunshine. You just let it be and keep yourself a float while the storm passes. Some storms last longer than others. But it doesn’t take away from the sting and ice of the rain that’s peeling away your insides.  
The ups and down. I’m sitting here drenched in the rain even though I’ve been walking upward and seeking better days filled with Sunshine. 

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Solitude and Life 

Life should come with a sign that reads, “So many obstacles ahead that you shouldn’t even expect a smooth journey.”  That sign would be placed just after the “buckle in sign.” And before the “we still haven’t mastered the course.” 
Well, life, you come with the continuous lessons of patience, time, acceptance, resilience, and wisdom. I’ve learned that the external route affects the internal atmosphere. Often times, I remember the pain much more than the joys. But, the joys are priceless. 
Is it because it’s the part that I wish I was immune too? Is it because no matter how loving and good your intent is, it still can’t be avoided? Does it come so often that I get tired of even questioning it and trying to remedy it? Yes, yes, and you got that right.  
So, how do I deal without overthinking and allowing some things to be released and just wither away? You see, I haven’t quite mastered that aspect of this yet, and maybe I never will. I mean, I cling tight to faith. I do my best to appreciate the other people that inhabit this planet with me, while not harming myself either. 
My main problem seems to stem from Love. Yep, the most powerful word there is and the most life changing. Love is the foundation of it all from my perspective. It’s love that drives me not to harm others and self. It’s love that allows me to experience what others are feeling. It’s love that causes me to want the best for us all. It’s love that pushes me daily to speak and to act in truth. 
What pains me is when some of the love is not reciprocated but instead treated as expendable! And, it plucks the soul even more when the pain is delivered by the closest people to you, either out of selfishness, ill motive, or just not caring.  
I know I have to accept that life will continue to test me, pass me with an A, and fail me with a busted heart many many many times. It doesn’t make it any easier, even as I accept that fact. 
However, I am grateful that I’m learning more ways to rebuild and heal. I’m grateful that it hasn’t extinguished my ability to love. I’m grateful that I don’t dispense what is often presented on my plate for me to choke on with a smile. I’m grateful that even though I don’t have it all figured out, I’m still able to remain strong as I heal. I’m grateful for the blessing of time as I rebuild Self when each thorn seems to pierce my heart, some a bit deeper than others. 
So, I guess I’ll tie my shoes tighter. Buckle in. Restock my items of Self-care coupled with Divine power. And take it a day.. a second.. and a moment at a time. My solitude aids in my growth. 

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Quiet the mind


“Quiet the mind and the soul will speak.” 
Affirmation: I will not allow overthinking to steal my peace and create illusions that anchor me to negativity. I quiet my mind. My soul speaks. My perception and peace are stilled and healing takes place. Beauty surrounds me. Everyday a new flower that I did not previously notice blooms in my garden of life. My mind is quiet. My soul speaks. My heart is refreshed. I am grateful.