Interruptions

 

You know what?  We all get burned out.  We feel like we are struggling and moving throughout the day, and no one notices that maybe, you need to just be hugged, heard, or helped.

 

I think it’s easier to manage when we feel like we have someone present… in our corners to listen to us… to be a heart when our heart feels choked… to be an ear when we just want to talk about nothing… to be a shoulder when our own aches…. to be loved even when we don’t feel lovable or our love comes across wrong, even with the best intentions… or to be a safe place when you may not be functioning at your best.

 

I was having a down moment… Wait, I was erupting from feeling unvalued, misunderstood, and unheard.  I was already feeling like I was failing in so many areas.  And the more I felt that upset, that pain, and that yearning for a different outcome… the more I was telling myself to just stop letting your emotions get the best of you.  Stop feeling the need to express and be heard.  Stop wanting to be understood.  Stop expecting someone to just sweep you in their arms and say, “I’m here for you and we can get through this together.”

 

And in the middle of that moment, some inspiration decided to chime on my phone from hitting my inbox.  Inspiration.  Can’t you see I’m hurting and just need… need something other than what I’m presently feeling.  And it came… ugh.

 

The message was:  “What makes you feel loved and cared for?  What is it that i do for you that makes you feel most loved, cared for and special in our relationship?”  Okay, well I’m not in a relationship but I’ve gotten so close I couldn’t tell the difference… until those heartfelt jabs of reminders quickly reminded me that IT’S NOT A RELATIONSHIP, NO MATTER HOW MUCH Y’ALL LOVE EACH OTHER.

 

But, you know what.  This question still caused me to pause… Do I make the other person feel loved and cared for?  Yes, even when I have bad days or may be misunderstood.  There is not guessing as to how much I love and care and express it.  Grateful for it, actually.  But do I feel loved and cared for?

 

This is one of those moments where you can feel each particle of air enter your lungs, and leave again on the exhale.  And the answer to the question will either make you feel more uplifted, or doubled over in pain as if your heart was snatched out with no numbing aid.  Do I feel loved and cared for?  The silence hangs and all I can do is say a prayer and release the tears that I’ve been trying to hold in.  I release my heart’s desires as I speak to the Divine Power governing my life.  I release all of my frustrations, my anger, my unheard thoughts… my everything.  I release my truth that sometimes I don’t even feel loved and heard through prayers.  I let it flow.

 

The question still lingers:  Do I feel love?  And depending on the person that pops in my mind…. one in particular stands out… Well, should I?  Is it that person’s job to love me, or anything for that matter? No, it’s not.  Love is a choice.  Caring is a choice.  Each are put forth with action, without reasons why they can’t be given.  Both are priceless.  They can’t be replicated in a lab.  They can’t be expressed thorougly with words.

 

But the power behind being loved and cared for is enough to give the most distraught person hope.  It will have the most impatient person applying patience in its honor.  Love and caring for someone selflessly will keep a person wanting to breathe another breath.

 

Do I feel loved and cared for… Do I feel loved and cared for… Have I shown love and care… Have I shown love and care….