Venting, Reset

The holidays aren’t supposed to feel like this.  I repeat, the holidays should not feel like this.  It’s cold and uncomforting.  Unyielding to desires of wanting more and seeking more and working for more.  It’s starting to become a consistent feeling of lack… lack and a longer list of things failed at during the year.  It’s a smothering of the warm fireplace stories that you dreamed of telling.  It’s been replacing laughs with tears in a warm shower.  Festive has gone on vacation.  Why does it feel like the trek in the desert for 40 years is still happening? It’s not that gratitude doesn’t find it’s place within my day.  I’m more than grateful, just exhausted sometimes with desires and wishes. Exhausted from doing my best and wanting the best for myself and others, yet coming up emptier than when i started.  This can’t be life.   This can’t be right.  I know one day this feeling will pass as well as the experiences.  But, dang.  Can a sister get a year care package of miracles and blessings?  Geesh