Detachment in Progress

Some people pay attention to their intuition very well. It is not even a question when it comes to avoiding people, or situations because it gives you a “feeling” that you can’t quite describe. Yet, its strong enough to pay attention to.

This is who I am. I’ve known to avoid a lot of things since I was younger. As we all know, it is not 100% because nothing in life is perfect. There are times I get an urge, or a person persistently on my mind, and I have to make contact with them, or let them know. This has helped out myself and many others. Of course, I don’t tell everyone why. I just show up as a friend and ask how I can help, or how they are doing.

Well, this time I got shut out for mentioning it.  The urge from this particular situation makes me almost nauseous, and fearful when the person mentions it, or when I even think about it. I understand people do not have to take heed, or proceed with caution. But, to be shut out…or dismissed…had me shifting through moods. Shock. Fear. Guilt. Anger. Disappointment. Helplessness. But always still prayerful for the other person, as well as myself.

The reason that I’m even typing this is because I need to clear my system. I write. I process. I detach. And I am hurt about the situation.  Of course, I love this person so to be shut out really makes me question if we are even friends. I won’t apologize for caring, or being myself. My intentions are always to be loving, honest, understanding, patient, supporting, and loyal. But this one feels like a guttural knife stick and turn.

I understand everyone goes through hard times, and often we detach.  I become a hermit myself, but I never make the people I love, and care about worry, especially if they reach out to me. I am going through hard times now..and I still let people know they are important to me. However, if I feel something is not right, or gives me bad feelings, I will let you know. You can take it how you want to take it. But, it does hurt like hell to be shut out, especially when the other person should know my intent is never to cause harm, but to help as much as i can.

On another note, i don’t think we appreciate the presence, communication, and support that people bring into our life. We take for granted the few people who will stand through the harshest time holding our hands.  We pray for a blessing, and it could be that person but because our expectation, or mental mechanics, won’t allow us to see it, release pride, or whatever excuse we choose to make…..we push them away, or give an half a$$ attempt in our returns. We reach out when the person experiences something so tragic that it resonates in and through us to others who don’t even know the person. We are inconsiderate of how our actions and feelings make others feel, and react to us.  We are often so caught up on what isn’t working in our lives that we don’t see what blessings are in front of us. Or we choose to acknowledge the ones that we can be honest about accepting.

Over the years, I have opened up more and more even as my heart and mind have been taken for granted. I don’t question my worth because I am always what I expect others to be for me. I give above and beyond in my dealings with others.  But, it’s time to place a lot of who I am in reserve. It’s channeling the love, and energy into other things, and not so much the people who I care so much for. Just stepping back has shown me that some of the closest people to you can cause you the most pain. And they are fully aware, and non-caring. Life is a serious of investing, and walking away from those who don’t care about our presence, as we care about theirs. This is how relationships (the many forms) can be. It is a series of letting go. And that’s exactly what I am doing…I love myself. I love others. But I am letting go of those who continue to show that they will not apply the effort, understanding, or respect that should be present in our interactions in this life.

Heart Release Over.