- So what am I consistently doing wrong that totals up to = Never Enough… Or Almost, but not Quite. I can’t seem to figure it out. 😞
Just when I think the memo was received, read, and connection made, there’s always a kink in the chain. So I tap into my heavy abundance of strength, go go juice of positivity, and smile, even with tears, and press on… Convincing myself that this a temporary knot, and at some point will work itself out as long as I DON’T GIVE UP…. But… Something is missing. Obviously. There seems to always be a test. Grrr. Tests that set me years back. Tests that contribute to many sleepless, yet writing filled, nights and mornings. Pages and pages of processing, and planning, and modifying the program. Maybe it’s a syntax error. Or maybe I’m one of those ones coded to Struggle, while possessing a beautiful spirit, loving and serving others, believing in the goodness of self and others…. Yet, so many efforts are in vain. And even when I take inventory of another, they still seem to achieve the recognition, the promotions, the exemptions, even when their toxic energy of complaints, manipulative choices, and plight of bringing more company into misery.
Maybe I’m going about this wrong. This is probably why I don’t fit in…usually on a road traveled alone. Maybe love is a fairy tale ( at least with the ones you actually want to love). Maybe stepping on those who are down in order to rise is the new footstool of 2015 and bringing in 2016. Maybe I am to abandon peace and happiness, and feel ripped apart inside. Sure, I know this is a fleeting moment, and I’ll look back in gratitude at what I’ve overcome, while still remaining true to who I am. What about right now though? Where’s Wonka, after all the riddles, with the golden ticket that I humbly, consistently, work hard for? I’ll be cool in a few hours, days, or whenever perhaps BUT at THIS moment, I just don’t get it. If I was a cartoon character, there would be a smoke swirl above my head, while I lay in a busted, spring poking out mass from being overworked from trying to figure it out. A problem that led to combustion.
Welcome to therapeutic writing 101. The place where getting it out restores balance.