I loved you. So I told you. Just thought you should know. Not sure what I was expecting but if there was an expectation, an unsolicited, impromptu lecture of how Love doesn’t pay bills wasn’t at the top of my list of expected responses. Think I lost part of my hearing during that convo because the sting of something sharp in my chest was the reminder that we even talked. A pain unrelated to late payments, and a rapid moving steam roller of your past bad experiences…what am I feeling? Perhaps a lightning bolt of realization that you are incapable of loving me.. Unapologetically and Fearlessly. I will admit though you almost persuaded me to stay with the sob story of your upbringing. However, the calculations that ran through your eyes on numerous occasions alerted me to the fact that you were capable of thought, and action beyond the role of a controlling, manipulative victim. Tricky tricky. Gotta be quicker than that.
But here we are and yet again you’re stealing my peace, as I watch you lay there in peace. My heart is what guided me here to sign your book. Don’t know why because you won’t ever see it. What’s the purpose of those books anyway? Seriously, will someone read it line by line, and send out Thanks For Coming cards? These thoughts seem dark huh…my humor shows up unannounced sometimes…The moment is sobering. This could have been me. Thankfully that sharp pain that ran through my chest that day was enough to let me know that I would rather be anywhere else but here.. Or there with you. Life is meant to be lived while oxygen is its current. You felt like slow strangulation. I put my Jet pack on and I moved forward with my life. One of the Best decision I’ve ever made. The sun seems to shine brighter everyday. None of that has to do with you. There are no grudges, or late night think sessions on whys and what ifs. Not at all. Those were left when I made the decision to live for me. Now I breathe that life into as many people as I can whom seem to be…slowly smothering. Hope is the key to breaking their chains. Illuminating the light within each of them helps them to see a path more glorious than the cages others attempt to put them in. Choice is the manual they need, with scripts of Accountability weaved into its pages. You see, when I said I love you. I already knew how to love me first.
Just felt like writing for a few minutes….Thinking of someone that means the world to me so the words I Love You came to mind…then I started writing… This isn’t a true piece…okay, carry on.
Back to whatever you were doing 🙂