So much time wishing I was NOT thinking about him so much. It’s not consuming to the point of not being able to function. There are just MANY moments spent alone that I want to share with him.
You know that goofy, inhibited cartoon reel on your mind’s projector that you wish jumped off the page, and into reality. And then reality transforms it into something so sweet, and sometimes hilarious, that it permanently becomes a memory etched into the minds, and hearts of you both. Like, I remember the time when we…Ha, you thought I was about to expose it huh. Fooled you. But rest assured knowing that WE laughed.. And laughed..then we smiled and laid in each other’s arms… Soaking up the presence of Being. Near. Each. Other. It’s one of the many priceless moments that’s unexpected, and one you never want to end either.
My cheeks bulge and my heart warms as I write this. YOU!!! YOU are my sunshine. A ray of light that I keep trying to find the dimmer switch for. YOU dropped into my life unexpectedly, and I’ve been riding a rollercoaster since. The ups are life everyday ripples that breathe from your soul. The downs are the frowns on my face when I feel like I’m nowhere in your plan.. Or line of sight… Or heart… Soon to be a faded moment… Triggered when you have nothing else to do. Feelings suck right?! Don’t get me wrong. I think YOU care but not enough to hold my hand, walk, and dream with me.. Or even let me know.
*inhales* Stepping back. Maybe one day you’ll step toward me. Anyway, where was I? Oh.. Snapping the lid on my suitcase of… Dreams. They’ll remain under the bed until a dust bunny stirs it up, or one day together we open it up. Either way, I’m dimming down what has shown too much of my vulnerability, and openness.
Spotlight off. *click* I’m okay. I’ll whisper my love alone in the dark. Eventually the whispers will grow silent and Sleep will replace it all.