I didn’t look at you expecting you to be perfect. My attraction didn’t stem from what size house you appeared to be able to provide. It didn’t come from a childhood checklist of my imaginary Ken. In all honestly, there was no pursuit in progress when we connected. Only your authentic and unshielded self on display without pressure, fear, or risk. Somewhere along the way, the beauty within one another could Not be mistaken. It was undeniable, and intoxicating. We all know when we encounter those people who seemed to have been baked in God’s oven. Everything about them is just calming and pleasing to all your senses, even from a distance. Maybe you’re the soul whisperer… Soothing what I didn’t know was in disarray. But now, now I realize that it became to real to fast for you and you withdrew, which left me vulnerable alone. Afraid to share how you feel, and withholding the thoughts that keep us pressing on with a bond that can’t be denied nor suppressed. Fear has made camp and one of us has become prey… Unable to move without being reminded of pain. My hands tremble at the uncertain future but I press on. My words are shaky when I say I love you, although I’ve never heard them back, but I press on. My heart aches when it could be warmed by a simple tone expressing “I miss you and wish you were here with me.” Sometimes I feel like I’m eating all the candy bars searching for the golden ticket but soon all I’ll have is a stomach ache, and questions of “Why didn’t I stop a long time ago?” Maybe this sweet tooth has infected the sincere parts of me rendering me unable to switch course. Who knows? Right now, I don’t even want to put any more thought into it. All I know is maybe I was better off when I didn’t feel a thing and loneliness was my friend but not throbbing within like it is now. Maybe when i was more focused and overworked but ignoring the world around me was I at my best. Naw, who am I kidding? I feel like it all happened when it was supposed to happen… Yet, our choices along the way has potential to change the outcome. Right now I choose to be silent and still and trying my best not to focus on you. Isn’t that what you’re doing too?