We all have those days where we retreat to the dark, comfy corners of our mind. The place where we crouch in the corner allowing the least happiest of moments to come out and play. Depression parties and failure socials. We find solace in being committed to the lack, and emptiness in our lives. There is always that small part that reaches out while in the dark, wanting to feel something… Different.
I reached out my corner and into a place of joy, and it was YOU. Remembering when I laid eyes on you for the first time in so many years. I was already connected to you through effortless conversation before my eyes reconnected. Immediately, my insides struggled with wanting to run from you, while at the same time wanting to run into your arms but not understanding why. Rarely have I encountered someone giving off such strong energy. Confidence. Strength. Comfort. Humility. Entertainment. Joy with life. Usually, this only came from being around my grandparents, the sources of wisdom and unwavering love.
But there you stood. You were dressed for a workout, which was funny because my internal was bench pressing the hell out of the moment.
Moving on, I can still see clearly you sitting at the table while we conversed over drinks. The only thing missing was the fireplace because you made the environment that comfortable. Instantly, refreshing. I needed to be consumed by YOU.. Every second… Every moment. I smile because that feeling still hasn’t changed. It is one of the many moments that helps me stand up and walk out the dark corner when I allow my inner critic to win the battle. It’s moments like these that allow me to confirm and gain clarity that there is always more at work then what we sometimes care to admit. So simply, I just needed to say thank you for being the sunshine on my darkest days, as well as on my brightest days. You’re a gift that I sometimes don’t know how to properly care for. I can only hope I’ve helped you as you’ve helped restore me many times.